i live for you
by sweet like vanilla
Summary: He died for her, under a sky of dragons and hell-fire, and that was the only time that Gray Fullbuster had ever hurt Juvia Lockser. {juvia/gray}


**I live for you.**

**Summary |** He died for her, under a sky of dragons and hell-fire, and that was the only time that Gray Fullbuster had ever hurt Juvia Lockser. {juvia/gray}

**Disclaimer |** I do not own Fairy Tail or any characters associated with the manga/show.

**Author Notes |** This is an AU piece, in which Ultear does not use Last Ages to save the lives of the Fairy Tail members, Gray included. This is my imagination of how Juvia felt during the moment she realised what Gray had done for her.

* * *

x

_Circle encircles the earth_

_Chance and choice break his heart_

_His innocent arm moves to save me and I am spared._

_._

_His beautiful arm_

_Is bloody and cut off_

_His heart ripped out to show me he loved me._

_._

_No man shows greater love_

_Than when a man_

_Lays down his life_

_For his beloved._

— Circle, Flyleaf

x

It happens in an instant, though that instant feels much longer when it plays before Juvia's eyes.

He's hit. Not once, not twice. He's hit enough that he plummets to the ground, enough that he stops breathing before he can even reach it.

The whole world seems silent in prayer. And then.

An agonized scream slices the air. It's guttural and it stings Juvia's ears and rips the life from her lungs.

Lyon and Meredy are already moving, but Juvia is statue still. And for a couple of seconds, she stays this way. Her feet are firmly rooted to the gravel, her hair falling into her eyes, eyes that are zeroed in on flowing, cherry-red blood.

Life continues to spin in circles around her, but she's done with war and dragons because _fuck_ anything else. Gray's been _shot with lasers_. Gray's _dead_.

"No. No, no, no." The words spill from Juvia's lips and they are unstoppable, trailing on and on and on, and before she can take a selfish breath, or a step back to compose herself, she's running to Gray's fallen body on week knees and furiously wiping her tear-stained rosy cheeks.

She stumbles onto her knees, crumbling beside him. She throws her palms onto his chest and chokes when she can't feel his heart beat. "_Gray-sama_."

There are sounds of bloodshed playing behind them—Lyon is fighting off small dragon creatures with Meredy, fighting with every _scrap_ of magic underneath their fingernails, despite their shock at what they had just witnessed. Juvia doesn't help them. It's not because she doesn't want to—believe me, she wants to wrangle those laser-spitting, _murdering_ dragons and rip them to _fucking_ pieces—but everything aside from Gray was dissipating from her subconscious. No dragons, no warfare. Just Gray and his still heart. Whatever was happening around her held no value now.

She looks at him, his eyes covered by his coal-black hair, his velvet lips open, and she wonders, selfishly, if he saved her because he loved her.

She wishes that that was the case, but even in her delusions she knows better. She knows that no matter _how_ Gray felt about her, even if he loathed her, he would've done it. Because it was the heroic thing to do. That was just the type of man that Gray was.

_Was_.

Juvia's ears prick up as Lyon begins shouting out for Chelia in thick desperation. Their battle is over, for now, and Meredy is close too, exshaused from the fight but still standing. She watches from the sidelines as Juvia deteriorates.

"_No_, Gray-sama." Juvia wails. She can feel that she's screaming, screaming in _agony_, but she's disoriented and can't comprehend anything too well. She clutches his shirt in two tight fists and stares into the nothingness.

The sadness is unbearable—and that's a word Juvia doesn't use in relation to herself. Ever. She was supposed to be stronger than that.

"How could you do this, you stupid, stupid man? Why would you _leave_ me this way?" Her eyes burn with hot tears. She can't stop looking at his frozen lips, or the thick pool of blood she's kneeling in. "Please," Juvia says. "Please don't leave me behind."

Minutes pass, another battle ends, and Meredy cautiously steps forward to stand beside the grieving mage. "Juvia. I know that this is difficult, but we can't stay here. Natsu and the others need our help."

Juvia turns her head, for only a split second, before turning back to Gray, as though if she looked away for too long, he might not be there when she finally looks back. "Give me another minute, please."

"Juvia—"

"Just one minute. That's all Juvia needs."

Meredy pauses, and though the clock is against them, she nods, because all she can think about is her first glimpse at the love Juvia felt for Gray. She remembers the Sensory Link and how Juvia hurt herself in order to protect Gray. It was such a mesmerizing thing to see. And it had taught Meredy to live, for Ultear, and for love. Meredy would've been dead if it weren't for Juvia's devotion to this sweet man.

This sweet, _sweet_ dead man.

Wiping stray tears from her cheeks, Meredy takes some steps back. She joins Lyon, who has long since stopped crying out for Chelia, now simply crying because _Gray is gone _and _he can't fucking breathe_.

Knowing that she doesn't have much time, Juvia stares down at Gray, soaking in every last blemish and each cut that litters his once perfect face, and she doesn't see a man that she loves. She sees her entire existence, strewn out on the pavement, bloody and bruised and lost.

She realizes in this moment that Gray took up so much her life, so damn much of it, that he had become her whole life, without her even realising it.

She's got Fairy Tail, but she joined in order to get closer to him. She has friends, but he was her _best_ friend. She has a home that's filled with items that look and remind her of him.

He was one of the only things she loved in this universe, and the gravity of realizing just what she has lost sinks into Juvia, rooting into her chest and bones, to stay there for her eternity. Even she didn't realize just how _deep_ her need for him ran.

"I'm sorry. It's alright. Juvia still loves you," She promises Gray, gingerly brushing her fingertips against his cheekbones. Her voice is low, for only herself to hear. "You traded your life for Juvia's, and I will live for you."

Living is honestly the _last_ thing she wants for herself right now, knowing that she'll never hear his voice breathe her name again, or see his smile, but she _refuses_ to let his final deed be in vain, like his life had been _wasted_. No. She'll live for him, and win this battle for him, and she'll do it all with a manufactured smile and his blood caked in her fingernails.

Cradling his head in her hands, Juvia closes her eyes over. She hugs him one last time. "It's okay that you didn't love me." She smiles through a tender lie. "I know that one day you might have, and that's enough. That's enough."

It takes everything in her—every shred of strength she has—to stand up and walk away from him. But there's a battle still raging, and someone had to inform the other Fairy Tail members about what had happened to Gray. Maybe knowing would make them stronger.

Juvia leaves, then, with Lyon trailing behind her. He shoots glances at Gray behind his shoulder, and Meredy latches onto Juvia in a friendly embrace as they search for the others. Juvia doesn't look back, but she does allow herself to fantasize about him one more time.

Only this time she doesn't imagine Gray proclaiming his eternal love for her, or proposing marriage to her, or spending the rest of his life with her.

She imagines that Lyon never yelled her name, that Gray never heard, that she hadn't been pushed out of the way and that _she_ had died, like she was supposed to. Because she knows that Gray would have been able to move on from her death, some day.

But she will never move on from _this_.

She will never love anything again.

* * *

**Author Notes |** Hi, hi there. So you've just had the pleasure (?) of reading my first ever piece of fiction. I edited this about a gazillion times and even still I was racked with nerves posting this, but hey, I bet everyone on here was at some point, right?

Anyway, I had a lot of fun writing this, even if it was really depressing and made me cry at least seventeen times. This being my first story, I don't think it's perfect, far from it, I still have a lot to learn, so if you have any constructive criticism or tips you feel I could benefit from, I'd greatly appreciate opinion. I hope those who made it this far enjoyed reading :P

Thank you!

—sweet like vanilla.


End file.
